Unmasked and Re-Awakened: A Journey of Self-Acceptance and Peace ♀️
This journey of self-discovery has been a wild ride, filled with love, compassion, and sometimes, yes, even a touch of something darker: a pathetic grasping, a yearning for something more, a mix of wanting, expecting, and feeling entitled. I didn't realize it at the time, but these emotions were intertwined with the seemingly positive aspects of my life.
For so long, I existed in a state of unconscious anxiety and sadness. I didn't realize it at the time, but these emotions were always present, a constant undercurrent beneath the surface. In an attempt to escape them, I fell into a cycle of constant movement.
I built a life filled with seemingly great things, hoping it would make me feel better. Supportive friends, exciting travels, and endless fun kept me constantly busy. But the hollowness persisted, a constant undercurrent of something missing beneath the surface.
This external fulfillment didn't last long, and the escape route I craved became a dead end, leading me to collapse into a deep depression.
It took realizing the endless cycle of seeking to finally break free. Instead of grasping for something new to "fix" me, I started to simply be with the present moment, with all its imperfections. In that stillness, a funny thing happened - a sense of peace and groundedness began to bloom.
I started simply being me, in the present moment, even with the pain, the unease, the persistent seeking, and the ever-present sense of something missing. It was okay to just be in that.
And just like magic, it faded.
This acceptance gave me the resilience and hope to cope with myself, with all my complexities.
This is when the relationship with myself started to deepen, allowing me to recover the source within myself. The love that has always been, and will always continue to be, was there loving me for me. This unwavering love is my foundation, my guiding light, and the source of my strength.
However, I didn't realize it at the time, but this constant motion of escape was always present. Because I disliked these uncomfortable emotions, I desperately sought to avoid, cover, and escape them with all my might. I found refuge in spiritual bypass, and for a while, it seemed to work. It helped me evade the wounds festering within me.
But even after that, the cycle continued. For ten years, I fixated on raw food as another escape route. Living in an estate focused on clean living felt like the answer, yet it too, became a dead end.
As I've come to learn, true healing doesn't come from avoidance. It comes from embracing our pain, trauma, and shame. It comes from accepting ourselves fully, recognizing these experiences as part of our journey. This is the path I now walk, and with each step, I feel the love within me grow stronger, nourished by self-love and self-compassion.
But the most incredible discovery? As I've become more consistent in my authentic self, the constant grasping has faded. There's a newfound sense of freedom – the freedom to simply be, without the pressure to fix or change. The realization that I can do anything I want – not because of external validation or the need to fill a void – but because I'm finally connected to my core self, and that connection empowers me to navigate life with authenticity and purpose.